Sugar to search for ‘Monty Python-esque’ Apprentice

Sir Alan Sugar is to begin a new search for an Apprentice to help him rein-act the ‘Four Yorkshiremen’ sketch

“Who’d of thought I’d get where I am today, I started with nowt y’know!”

This was following his rant about British small businesses being crap and no-one else in business today is anywhere near as good as he is.

He is then expected to recount the stories of how he made it to the top including:

“I started off selling cheap crap home computers until I brought a deluxe colour model out that didn’t actually facking work, shouldn’t have bought those hard drives from that paddy down the pub! Still, I made a facking killing on them though”

He will continue “Then I started selling crap stereos that looked fancy but only had a cheap Taiwanese tranny radio inside. Made a facking fortune on them!”

He added “In actual fact I’ve made a fortune selling cheap tat to the British public so it was only right that I got asked to advise Gordon Brown and Peter Mandleson on business issues.

Mandleson added “advisor, you wer lucky!”

If only every British Small Business could make a fortune by forgetting their morals and becoming a jumped little tit like Sir Alan, then maybe british banks would be more willing to lend too them.

Sir Alan, entrepreneurs salute you - COCK!