Get F*cked Say First Time Buyers'

Get F*cked Say First Time Buyers'

Potential first time buyers have told British Banks to stick their mortgages up their arse!

The move comes as some banks have relaxed their conditions for first time buyer’s ability to qualify for a mortgage and have shaved interest rates in order to make mortgages more attractive.

However John & Linda McGee who have been living with parents since marrying said “We visited some estate agents to view properties within our budget and decided we’d rather live in a crack house in Beirut rather than live in some of the shit-holes available to us.”

“It’s been really difficult living with Mum and Dad but we’ve learned now how to bonk each other senseless every time there backs are turned.” said Linda.

John added “It just seems so much better than the alternative of having to live in something a little bigger than a hamster cage situated on a third world refugee camp. Not to mention the American style gangster rapper types in hooded tops lurking outside your door and there Kappa sportswear clad parents shouting obscenities at other until the early hours of the morning."

"All of this comes at a premium price that will take several lifetimes to repay! So I would like to say to the banks, on reflection – Go fuck yourselves! You got us into this shit state; you get us out, Fuckwits!

“And if it means I have to put up with John sneaking into the bathroom and taking me from behind every time I go to clean my teeth whilst Mummy and Daddy are having breakfast downstairs; then I suppose I’ll just have to cope!” said Linda.