Sir Ian Kennedy appointed to help achieve F*uck All

It was announced by the Speaker today, who could hardly contain his grin that Sir Ian Kennedy is to head up the newly formed ‘Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority’.

This follows on the back of the report published by Sir Christopher Kelly and his recommendations over the MP’s expenses row.

Mr Kelly’s main recommendation was that Britain’s MP’s should take a leaf out of city bankers book and realise that when you’ve been caught with your ‘pants down’, you really should learn to SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Meanwhile he has promised to pay Sir Ian a paltry £100,000 a year in a move designed to show that something is being done even though it isn’t.

Sir Ian’s job remit will be to ensure that his recommendations are taken forward and tossed in the back of filing cabinet somewhere

The move has been seen as favourable by all sides of the house, who agreed that Sir Ian is an ‘old school’ sort of chap who will, under his guidance, let us all get back to shafting the British taxpayer as soon as the dust settles! Hurrah