Queens intervention halts Royal Mail strike

News that a deal being struck between Management and the CWU was due to direct intervention by HRH the Queen, palace insiders revealed today.

The move came following an outburst by Prince Phillip who is said to be livid that packages sent to him had failed to arrive. Items that went missing are said to include a ‘pneumatic anal intruder’ and a 12 inch black rubber cock! Meanwhile Camilla is said to be ‘quite miffed’ that her riding crop, boots and stirrups as well as a ‘strap-a-dick-to-me’ that she and Charles were looking forward to using, had not arrived.

The items were confirmed as sent by specialist companies, Amazon and MoonPig who said their online tracking service had tracked the items to a Royal Mail sorting centre outside London.

However reports that temporary workers on minimum wage were running the centre, to clear the backlog caused by strikes, were said to be stealing posted items including items sent to Buckingham Palace.

A handful of the temporary workers 'whistle blew' and in return for cash, spoke to The Daily Mail.

They said that just a couple of weeks ago they were on the dole wondering how they would pay for Christmas gifts this year. Consequently, when they were forced by the Job Centre to take a really shitty low paid job or risk losing benefits that they decided to take everyone else’s!

“The money’s crap but the fringe benefits are excellent” said one worker whilst another added
“Thanks to Prince Phillip, my wife is sooo gonna get it this Christmas”.

Now, forced by The Queen’s intervention, we will all be forced to spend our hard earned money on totally pointless Christmas cards and send them to people we haven’t seen in years and didn’t really like anyway, whist the kids flick through the mail order catalogues repeatedly asking “Daaaad, can I have one of those”?

Merry Christmas everyone!