Reassuringly expensive so Center Parcs

Reassuringly expensive say Center Parcs!

Following a damning report by BBC's Watchdog programme, Center Parcs have issued the following statement.

Center Parcs PLC disagrees with the findings of the BBC's Watchdog programme.

We do not believe that the price hike of a 300% during school holidays is unjustified. The decision to raise prices during these periods has been absolutely necessary to ensure quality of entry to our venues.

"What you need to remember is that Center Parcs is more than just a holiday village that offers sporting activities, but more of a place where middle-class families can congregate and showcase just how particularly better than you they actually are.

Our male clientelle, mainly city bankers and managing directors,  like to take advantage of our sports facilities, proving that they manage to take care of themselves whilst maintaining their high-pressure job.

Only at Center Parcs can a gent wear Adidas and Umbro sportswear, whilst those around him can rest easy knowing that the items were not purchased at JJB Sports, but are in fact this season's outfits sold at a reassuringly expensive price.

Our female clintelle however, prefer to unwind in a thermal bath and then get the full 'lady treatment' in the aqua sauna.This helps them to unwind after weeks of school runs, endless PTA meetings and the 'hard work, but worth it' village hall committee business.

Our prices also assure well-to-do  parents that little Tarquin and Henrietta can play in the adventure playground, safe in the knowledge that they are wearing safety helmets and not having to mix with children from that awful comprehensive School.

The family can then meet and enjoy an excellent meal in our mock French and Italian restaurants.

Mum, Dad and family can then return to the peace and quiet of our mock log cabins and enjoy a cheeky bottle of Chianti purchased from our vastly overpriced supermarket. Then, after getting the kiddies off to bed they can screw each other senseless in front of a mock real fire. Perfect!

As the old adage goes, if you have to ask the price you can't afford it! Our family visitors prefer nothing more than being able to congregate together and enjoy a cappuccino at £2.50 a pop, read the Guardian, and know that a Scouse accent is nowhere to be found.

£2500 for a peak period, family of four, weekend break with no extras, bargain!"