Merry Christmas Miss Spanky, I'm the Teachers Pet

Gosh! I was watching the breakfast news this morning, as we were running around (late as usual) trying to get the kids ready for school, with the usual pandemonium that it causes when I noticed the following article.

The reporters on the 'sofa' in the studio started with this: "It seems that giving presents from some children to classmates at Christmas time has reached new heights with some parents spending as much as £50 on gifts. For more on this we go over too....."

WHAT? FIFTY QUID to spend on pressiess to give to my kids classmates for gifts...EACH? WTF! You've gotta be kidding, right? Wrong!

Of course it had to be in London because that's the only place that's got that kind of money left in these austere times AND no-one outside of the capital would do anything so bloody ridiculous.

Anyway, as it turns out the 'special report' of course did come from a school in London (Can you imagine asking a Yorkshireman for that kind of dough?) but it went onto say that some parents were also going out and buying gifts for the Teacher. Gifts that were quoted were stuff like jewellery, cashmere clothing and reported that one teacher even received a holiday in Spain - Gift wrap that, I dare ya...

As the report ended and cut back to the studio, they revealed two ladies on the 'sofa', one was from 'Mumsnet.com' - that collection of southern-centric Yummy Mummy Wannabe's which if you ask me is an updated 'Women’s Institute' for the digital age. And another lady who turned out to be a (London Based) Teacher: and then they started to talk about the social etiquette of what is and isn't acceptable for buying Gifts for the Teach! OMG - what was I listening too? Apparently it's OK for Mum's to get together and put say, a fiver in each to buy say, gardening equipment for the Teach! WTF!

Well this left me with a dilemma as today was the last day of term and obviously I hadn't bought anything for the kids’ teacher.

Not wanting to be 'outdone' by those bloody southners I vowed to do something about this modern day dilema. So during the day I hunted round the house for a pressie I could hand over to the expectant teacher when I picked the kids up - well teachers watch breakfast TV News too!

And then I remembered it, something I'd bought Mandy (my wife) on the spur of the moment and didn't think she would really go for once I got home and thought about it. Now Okay, it might not be the perfect gift but teachers also have private lives' too ya know!

It was a very skimpy, 100% polyester, one size fits all, Miss Spanky the Naughty Teacher Outfit! Gift wrapped too.

And so as I pulled up at the school gates, searched for my little cherubs and got them 'strapped in' the back of the car, I grabbed the Pressie, marched up to the kids teacher who had been overseeing the kids leaving time and said "MR Burton, Merry Christmas, I got you a little something that I thought you might be able to use. I do hope you like it!"

Take care everyone.... Ian