Belle du Jour : Cash For Sex Always Sells

Belle du Jour : Cash For Sex Always Sells

Not to be outdone by ‘Belle du Jour’ Dr Brooke Magnanti, a hospital researcher who broke her anonymity as the author of ‘Diary of a London Call Girl’; David Furnish is to release his own memoirs!

Sir Elton Johns’ partner recalls his life before Elton, how they met and their eventual ‘marriage’ in an autobiographical novel entitled “Tales of a tupenney rent-boy”.

The book recalls how David, working in a gender-bending crack house was ‘turning tricks’ for as little as £10 a time, but would often pay more if he really liked them; recounts how he met Sir Elton John. After playing hard to get for thirty seconds, they began their long and tempestuous courtship where he learned to do exactly as he was told.

The book finishes on a high with Elton eventually taking David up the aisle to an audience of celebrity onlookers and OK magazine photographers.

The book goes on general release as of Thursday with a follow up expected after the inevitable split of the couple. It will be entitled tales of Elton’s’ ex-tupenney rent boy!

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BNP Leader is Barking Mad

BNP leader to challenge Cabinet minister at general election


Nick Griffin launched the “Battle for Barking” yesterday, declaring that he will stand against the culture minister Margaret Hodge at the next election.

“We’re gonna set up on a street corner and kick ‘ten bells’ out of any spiks, chinks, daygos and wops we see and then were gonna set about that bloody lesbian before we’re done .” said Mr. Griffin

When questioned as to how she felt about the challenge, Ms Hodge said simply “DICKHEAD”

I couldn’t have put it better myself!

Please become a fan of 'Unite Against Fascism' on  facebook

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Can We Get Another Comedian To Do The Queens Speech

Can We Get Another Comedian To Do The Queens Speech?


Liberal leader, Nick Clegg has called for The Queens speech to be scrapped this year as it will be a totally pointless exercise given that the Labour legislative recommendations will be tossed in the bin once they’ve been given the boot at the next election.

However Gordon Brown hit back saying this will be one of his last opportunities to look really good before being given the boot. “Whilst I agree with the honourable gentleman, has it not always been the case that it’s a pointless exercise? Nobody listens to a word HRH is saying and nobody has followed up on the proposed legislation since Tony Blair came to power; but it keeps the ‘old girl’ in a job.”

“If we do have to sit though this in the knowledge that the Conservatives are to come to power, we will all need a good laugh, might I suggest that we ask Prince Phillip to do the speech! A few ‘gollywog’ and ‘jigger-boo’ jokes always go down well in the house” said Vince Cable of the Lib Dems.

His opposite, George Osborne commented that if a comedian was needed then anyone from the Liberals would be perfectly acceptable!

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Get F*cked Say First Time Buyers'

Get F*cked Say First Time Buyers'

Potential first time buyers have told British Banks to stick their mortgages up their arse!

The move comes as some banks have relaxed their conditions for first time buyer’s ability to qualify for a mortgage and have shaved interest rates in order to make mortgages more attractive.

However John & Linda McGee who have been living with parents since marrying said “We visited some estate agents to view properties within our budget and decided we’d rather live in a crack house in Beirut rather than live in some of the shit-holes available to us.”

“It’s been really difficult living with Mum and Dad but we’ve learned now how to bonk each other senseless every time there backs are turned.” said Linda.

John added “It just seems so much better than the alternative of having to live in something a little bigger than a hamster cage situated on a third world refugee camp. Not to mention the American style gangster rapper types in hooded tops lurking outside your door and there Kappa sportswear clad parents shouting obscenities at other until the early hours of the morning."

"All of this comes at a premium price that will take several lifetimes to repay! So I would like to say to the banks, on reflection – Go fuck yourselves! You got us into this shit state; you get us out, Fuckwits!

“And if it means I have to put up with John sneaking into the bathroom and taking me from behind every time I go to clean my teeth whilst Mummy and Daddy are having breakfast downstairs; then I suppose I’ll just have to cope!” said Linda.

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Random Hepatitis C (Hep C) Blog-Post

Dear Diary

Okay, okay, so my last post from twitter may have sounded a little random, but what I was trying to say was hatstand, tea kettle barbecue. But it all came out a bit apple 'n' pairs, dog 'n' bone, hows ya father you lemon.

There, I'm feeling much better now. And stop listening to other peoples conversations cause now you know where it gets you, Not Mark & Spencers lingerie department and a whole heap of trouble.

Now go on, get owt my pub, it's family innit.

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