Dubai up 'man-made' shit creek!

Mohammed, what the f*ck have you done?

Fears grew today that Dubai is up the same shit creek that we are in!

That'll teach'em for coming over here and wiping there arse on our curtains!

So if you see an Arab on a donkey - LAUGH

(he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he!)

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Lib Dem tax proposal!

Nick Clegg has today been ensuring the last few nails are firmly in the coffin lid of their election victory hopes.

He was laying out the Lib Dem Tax proposals should they get into office. Or NOT.

He told a packed audience of Lib Dem supporters that he had a vision of the future where the Rich are taxed more so the poor can carry on claiming benefits! People who live in big houses should pay a mansion tax so the council can build more Beirut style council estates and nobody will be allowed to own cars, ever, under any circumstances!

He went on to say "These are real policies and when the British people go to vote at the next election we can be absolutely certain that no-one will vote for us. Then we can get back to a nice bit of crocheting and talking about how unjust it all is. The British people deserve that. They don't need a viable third alternative - it would be just too much choice for them to handle!

Vince Cable was unavailable for comment as he was having a lay down!

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Britain just like Dubai claims Alistair Darling

"You see, I'm not the only one to make a few calculation errors! Dubai is just like us!"

If that means massive debt, built on sand, a reigime that coudn't give a flying f*ck about its citizens, nothing to export, run by bankers who are out to make a killing for themselves, the only thing left to offer is an architecture and weather based tourism sector, a tradition of secrecy amongst the hierarchy then 'Yes, I suppose it is!'

Oh but they do have glorious sunshine, a freindly neighbour Arab state that will bail it out after it's taught them a lesson on 'who's the daddy' and nothing, nothing, nothing like Liverpool, dickhead!

The prosecution rests mi'lod

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Tony Blair is secret descendant of Baldrick

General Tanked Up, Secret Advisor to the Blair/Bush Iraq War strategy!

The secret advisor to George Bush and Tony Blair who helped 'seal' the Iraq War strategy 'in blood' was named today!

 Sir Christopher Meyer, the UK's former ambassador to the US revealed that General Tanked Up was called following 9/11 to send a potent message to all those 'dirty scumbag A-rabs' who were thinking of making any further attacks on the US way of life and mama's home made apple-pie.

After Tony Blair was called to the Bush family ranch by the president, he was said to have met the General. The three of them then took a few six-packs and some guns and set off in a pick-up and headed off into the mountains to kill a few things.

On their return the General was heard saying "Don't worry Mr President Sir, I'm gonna round 'em all up, put 'em in a field and Bomb the bastards." the General the turned to Mr Blair and said "And as for you, ya limey ass son of a bitch, better find that smokin gun before I do or I'll ram it so far up your ass it'll make tonsils squeak!"

Mr Blair replied "Don't worry General, I have a cunning plan...."

Baldrick, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Grandfather of Tony Blair!

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Banks win right to keep charging you as much as they f*cking like!

Banks win right to keep charging you as much as they f*cking like!


"Ha, ha , ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, oh I'm sorry, huh, huh, huh, no really, uum-uum, what were you saying again, um,oh yes, we won, bloody marvelous, brilliant isn't it? Huh, huh, huh, no really, I'm sorry, unbelievable, really unbelievable, I knew the old lords wouldn't let us down!" said an unamed banking CEO.

In a landmark victory, Lord Phillips, of the Supreme Court said “I find that banks should carry on f*cking the British people over and over again, it serves them right for listening to that fast talking upstart, Martin Lewis and allowing him to enter my court. I hate the little turd!”

The court case, brought about by the Office of Fair Trading on behalf of bank customers who feel unjustly treated in relation to bank charges for overdrafts.

“It’s surreal, banks charge customers money for going overdrawn on their accounts, which was financed by customers’ money! Remarkable and brilliant!” said Mr Mervin King of the Bank of England. “It’s almost on a par with my money lending scam I’ve got going on with the banks at the moment!”

We were unable to find anybody to comment from the banking sector due to them laughing so ridiculously loudly in our face and shouting ‘F*ck you all’ from the rooftops of some very tall buildings!

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